It’s funny how “weird” we bloggers sometimes get airing the dirty laundry of our lives. Even I can’t believe some of the crap I’ve written. Occasionally, while reading my own posts, I wonder, “Who is this guy?”
The truth is, my life is far less interesting than my writing would lead you to believe.
Let me prove it. No, please, I insist.
I am FAFSA-man. FAFSA, as in the Free Application for Federal Student Aid. This summer, I am becoming an expert on the subject. My oldest child has just completed her junior year in high school, and this is when college-bound students (and their parents) begin the process of applying for financial aid.
New website. My wife and I have just launched a website. A real “dot-com” with a real purpose. It’s a whole lot of fun, and it gives the two of us “something to do” as a couple.
Beach-bound. One week from tomorrow (Thursday), my family and I will leave on our annual beach vacation. Yay, can’t wait!
TV stud. I am on the verge of landing the biggest, most defining interview of my broadcasting career. If I told you who it was, I’d have to kill you. Suffice it to say, it’s huge, and will once again solidify my reputation for studliness at work.
Weekend Warrior. In an unexpected turn-of-events, I am back on the weekend shift at work, but only temporarily. I’m filling in on the anchor-desk until the station can hire a permanent replacement. Until further notice, my days off are Thursday and Friday, which has its ups and downs.
Debt-free. My wife and I just refinanced our house, which enabled us to pay off all debt. We don’t have a single credit card payment or car loan, and we still have money left over for our cruise later this year. The best part is, at 4 ½ percent interest, we’ll have our house paid off in 10 years.
Imogen Heap. I’m going through an Imogen Heap-phase. Again! If you’ve never listened to the former Frou Frou lead singer, you just don’t give a shit about music. (Don’t tell my wife, but I’d marry Imogen in a second!) Hide and Seek, Let Go, I Need a Hero, Shh.
New resilience. I got “hit on” recently by a smokin’ hot woman who wouldn’t stop talking about my “bedroom eyes.” I almost ran from the building. Shoo, devil, shoo! Fool me once…well…you know.
Happy enough. In the event my wife can ever recover from the fuckage I’ve brought into our relationship, I think I will be able to live out my life with relative happiness. Nothing too grand, just happy enough to get by. Now, if I could just stop staring at that intern’s ass, I can get on with my relative happiness.
Mr. Normal.
Imogen Heap
Did I say Imogen?
12 Comments
June 11, 2009 at 6:58 am
mr. normal!
there is no such thing for someone who had an affair… i was thinking about that today… how im almost 26 and im kind of “damaged goods” in a way… i will never be normal because i had an intense 2.5 year affair.
and while you have no debt on your house (4.5%- i hate you! my mortgage is 5.6… if i locked in 4 days ago it would have been 5.1!!!), your FASFA wont find you much money… i am excited that you are looking at college for your daughter- its an exciting time for both her… and you and your wife.
and imogen heap?! i FREAKING love her! good choice, my dear blog friend.
and by the way- wasnt it normality that drove you to an affair? (OK, call me ms. instigator)
hope you are having a nice week!
-MM
June 11, 2009 at 5:00 pm
MM, I agree that you and I will never be the same after the drama that occurred in our lives. It has changed our perspective on things forever. But “damaged goods”? My God, you’re too young to be damaged goods! Ten years from now (that’s a helluva long time), you will be “almost 36,” which is young from where I sit. Ten years from now, you and I won’t even be having this conversation. You will likely be married to the greatest love of your life. A man you haven’t even met, but will, and sooner than you think. When you meet him, memories of R will rapidly fade, and while you’ll never forget him, the special quality you felt he had will diminish. And once you add kids to the mix, your life will never be the same. I promise you that. Finally, on this subject. let me add that your dream man will be very lucky to find someone like you. You’re a thinker, a philosopher, a deep-feeler. You are the polar opposite of R, just like I am the opposite of my former OW, who is the emotional equivalent of a 5 year old.
Did normality drive me to have an affair? Absolutely. Positively. I was the classic example of a guy who had it all. Wife, children, house, career. I could feel myself dying one day at a time. My wife (God love her) still believes in slow-death. In her mind, anyone who “seeks” something other than normality is fundamentally flawed. To this day, she hasn’t accepted a single ounce of responsibility for what happened to us. It was all me. Me, me, me. Choose your husband wisely, Misfit Mistress. Don’t let loneliness or the need for intimacy blind you. Marriage is supposedly forever, and that’s a long motherfucking time!
June 11, 2009 at 10:17 pm
Normal – what an interesting concept. It all depends on whose definition you’re working from. I have never liked society’s definition and have never really followed it. If by normal, it means you are doing things that other people do in an ordinary day, week, month, life, then yes, are all normal. If by normal, you mean you DON’T do things that are extraordinary and that society might judge as “wrong” – which sometimes means following your heart – well, that’s something else. It’s definitely a conundrum. And MM, you are NOT “damaged goods”. I cannot emphasize enough that no woman (or man) should ever think of themselves that way. You have had a rare (perhaps) life experience that has helped to shape you into a richer, more insighful human being.
June 12, 2009 at 1:21 am
TV and seasweetie-
thank you for your concern about me thinking im “damaged goods”… i guess i used that line a bit carelessly… i know im not a damaged person because of my experience… perhaps i should have said something along the lines of my soul has been tortured. part of the reason most days are easy to look past R is because i know im a great individual with a lot to offer that isnt bland. as much as i hate the pain- i am grateful for the insight.
keep seeking something other than “normal”… that doesnt make you flawed in my eyes… just try not to let that search lead you to another woman’s skirt again! lol. pinky swear you will never die a slow-death… you are a role model for myself. someone who has a family, a marriage, and can figure out what it means to live, and not die slowly… so keep at it and keep sharing your experiences with me through your blog!
things seem to be getting better daily for both you and i… but some times i feel like throwing my hands in the air and saying… where are we? what the hell? is going on…
ps- TV i like your life prediction for me… but you forgot to add that R will be rotten in his motherfucking long marriage! that would be the ideal situation.
June 13, 2009 at 10:44 am
Life sounds pretty good Teev….
Lots to be grateful for.
Good to hear you taking inventory and finding the uniquely exciting aspects of life.
Ciao
Chaz
June 13, 2009 at 12:41 pm
Dear Mr. Icognito sort of James Bond meets James Dean;
I wonder does your dreadfully boring life consist of a wife who monitors your blogs? Does she know the obsession that now surrounds it in this world? Will you be addressing it on your website, let me guess, for loan modifications or some other triangular .com scheme pay per handshake over a Mormon liquid lunch?
By no means was I insinuating that I wasn’t one who has faith, I do. I wasn’t attacking the Mormon’s either, it was in light laughter, if that.
Where do you get your photography shots? They’re nice. You must know a few sites.
As per your blog, I don’t know, with the stealthy look your going for that’s quite pronounced and hates the attention it holds, well than I don’t know. Pine needles are sticky and they don’t rake well.
Chaz, Ciao’s my Salute, dig.
Ciao,
Mea Nada Madison
June 13, 2009 at 7:16 pm
Nada,
Believe me, my wife would monitor this blog if she knew it existed. This is the last outpost of my secret second life. I don’t keep it up to pull the wool over her eyes or anything like that. This is my place to vent and say the things the swirl around in my head. She knows I’m a wild-ass, but likes to believe I’ll be a God-fearing, church-going saint like her someday. Oh well.
Our “dot-com” website is more innocent than you might think. We’re doing local restaurant reviews for the fun of it. We don’t expect to make any money off of it, although we may insert ads at some point. So far, we’re getting zero hits. But we’ll keep trying. If nothing else, this website gives us a “project” to share. Plus, we’ve increased our eating out because of it, and that’s a whole lotta fun!
My tvexplorer blog has a stealthy look? Hmmm, I guess it does, but it’s by necessity. God help me if anyone who knew me put two-and-two together and figured out I am the author.
A question for you: Why doesn’t your blog allow people to leave comments? I’ve tried a couple of times and always get an error. Plus, I see that someone else has brought this to your attention. Time to fix this, wouldn’t you say?
P.S. You’re so interesting, I’m adding you to my blogroll.
June 13, 2009 at 7:21 pm
Chaz, thanks. Life is getting better by the day. My wife is still having a hard time putting this nightmare behind us, but I’m willing to give her all the time she needs. God knows it took me a long time to get over a certain someone. Looking back, I embarrassed by my behavior. It was a fantasy that got out of control. Oh well.
June 14, 2009 at 12:00 am
Glad to hear your wife is easing up on the cold and resentful behaviour…. and perpetually punishing you.
I guess time can do a lot o fhealing for any of us.
Add positive efforts to the time and there is a good chance for success. As I have seen it anyway.
And if your regrets have settled down to embarassment, then that is pretty good wouldnt you say. I think your starting point included a good dose of self-loathing too didn’t it?
I too am embarassed about my conduct on drugs. But nothing more than that. I fucked up. Just like 99.99% of all humanity.
I fell prey, as you did, to circumstantial temptation that frankly, I would love to meet the person who would not have been tempted by what we were respectively tempted by.
This is not excuse-making. It simply a fact that temptation will capture quite a number of us.
Anyway… onward.
Ciao.
Chaz
June 14, 2009 at 2:15 am
TVeXplorer;
Quite frankly I could never imagine or be able to sit still long enough to hear about all the spy contraptions Mr. Boyfriend has put together. Historically, it’s been a problem, but not for him. I finally said to my self, okay, if you want to play a game, look at my cards, then I only ask, please fold Mr. Oh. But I sound game like! How contagious it is. Riddles, puzzles, games; they’re all sick to say the least.
Keep the mask on tight, I think you should be fine. I hear a certain type of people prefer masks, I don’t know, I’m more of a flesh person that has yet to kiss Medusa. I tried explaining the underwater world and my friend who, never mind, really, never mind.
It’s the sophistication, not the looks baby, or maybe. Who knows. God forbid I’m outed and it’s concluded that the bipolar communique is my doing…maybe we’ve crossed paths at a Hollywood Oscar party in Beverly Hills. Either way and not at all likely.
I don’t usually blog. I’m thinking of throwing in the towel myself. This isn’t a fantasy world, I’ve been in one…but your nice who or whomever(s) you consist of.
If you wouldn’t mind checking the comment thing again, I’d appreciate it. I’ve logged out and logged back in, and it seems to work. My phone on the other hand…
Blondes are posted at my place for a while. Keep tuned to Jake FM–Bipolar Communique–always a crazy girl on the loose, running for some reason. Probably to stay in such fine shape?
As always, a pleasure.
Sincerely,
Nada
June 14, 2009 at 2:21 am
Chaz,
Thank you. I needed that. The confirmation that I’m like 99.99% of the people and should not be just yet thrown to the wolves.
I’m not eve, just a drip of the apple juice before it hit the mercy of the jade fine blades of grass beneath.
Chaz, I like that name.
Truly,
Nada
June 14, 2009 at 7:05 pm
Nada,
You are definitely one of the most interesting people I’ve encountered on this blog. That’s a compliment, so please, take it as such. As far as the boyfriend’s spy games, I wouldn’t put up with it. Not for a second. People like that are ultimately destructive.
So you’re thinking of throwing in the towel on your blog? Good luck with that. Bloggers, I have found, can’t throw in the towel. Every time I’ve deleted my blog since my affair, it was just a matter of time before I started a new one. Why? People like us have something to say, and we must have a place to say it. Besides, your blog is good. Too good to be tossed aside.
Which brings me to my next point: Do you have two blogs? It seems that you do, and one of them still doesn’t permit comments. When you leave a comment on my blog, it shows you as manicviolet.com/blog. That’s the blog that returns an error when someone tries to leave a comment. But I also see you have Bipolar Communique. That blog accepts comments just fine. They are both yours? The point is, until the comment problem is fixed on your first blog, or unless you started logging in through your second blog, people who click on your gravatar to see who you are will be unable to leave comments on your blog if they so choose. Does that make sense? Just a small technical detail I thought I should point out.
Until next time…