A Compendium of Useless Information.

I used to work with a guy who seemed to know everything about everything.  I’m not even kidding.  Pick a topic –any topic—and this man would launch into a thesis on the subject.

“Hey Bob, what kind of oil was spilled off the coast of Alaska?”  (This was the late 80s.)

“That was Prudhoe Bay crude,” I remember him saying.  “Light, but volatile.  Extremely volatile.”

Thanks, Bob.  You’re a damn smart man.

In some ways, I feel like a “Bob.”

My brain is bursting with useless information I’ve acquired over the last year and a half.   An odd and random assortment of facts that serve no great purpose, with no bearing on daily life.   They are things I learned in the process of having an affair.

For example, I am now a bit of an expert on the subject of Bipolar 1 Disorder.  That’s funny considering I am not bipolar.  Nor are members of my family, or any of my friends.  But as you’ve read here, the woman I was involved was diagnosed with bipolar disorder soon after our affair.   Naturally, I learned all I could on the subject, thinking it would explain her behavior toward me.  It did not.

But in the process, I learned that Bipolar 1 is the worst in its class.   A not-too-distant relative of psychosis.  The highs are too high, and the lows are –well– “six feet under,” to hear sufferers describe it.  It’s a living hell that can only be remedied with a powerful daily regiment of drugs.  Unfortunately, there are side-effects to these drugs. Weight-gain, hair-loss and a constant feeling of…not feeling.

If you had asked me about Bipolar 1 two years ago, my answer would have been, “Fuck if I know.”

I can also name the two main types of extramarital affairs:  “sexual” and “emotional.”  (Who knew this shit?)  And I’ve learned from experience that if you’re going to have an affair (which I strongly advise against), opt for the sexual.  It’s bound to hurt less.

Now let me tell you about my newly-acquired expertise in the field of psychology, from the patient perspective.   I have now “sat on the couch” more than a dozen times, just like you see in TV shows.   But unlike television, psychologists, I’ve found, herd people through their offices like cattle. They see so many patients that when you first walk in, that fake-look of sympathy from their last appointment is still glued to their faces.   I also learned that psychologists, for all their education, have no idea how to fix your problems.  By the time you leave and drive off in your car, you realize you’re the one who did all the talking.  They just sat there, nodding in agreement, while the woman down the hall was on the phone with your HMO.

Okay, that last example wasn’t a fact.  But when have you  known me to withhold opinion?   Here are some things I know are fact, and I’m well-versed in each subject:

  • Advanced computer techniques with a focus on stealth
  • Laws pertaining to harassment and stalking
  • Divorce laws
  • Attorneys fees
  • The current nightly-rates of fleabag hotels.

Questions?  Feel free to ask.

Oh, and call me Bob.

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6 Comments

Filed under adultery, affairs, bipolar disorder, cheating, divorce

6 responses to “A Compendium of Useless Information.

  1. Seems this journey does educate us on things we never intended to learn, things we never wanted to learn…some things we NEEDED to learn (lol…in MY case, anyway!), and some things we wish we could forget.

    So…are you saying the counseling doesn’t seem very helpful? I wonder if the fact that you are able to pour out your thoughts and feelings on a blog, make repeating the same thoughts and feeling for a paid stranger just seem…redundant?

    BTW – love the header picture….very hot! Hate the Britney picture 😦 It’s a personal thing…I just look at her and see somebody’s daughter…makes me very sad, and thankful that with all my girl has been through, she didn’t crumble…especially in front of the whole world. My daughter picks on me because I get so defensive about Britney…it’s not as if I like her music…I just see somebody’s broken child. But that’s just me.

  2. tvexplorer

    Hey Terri, gotcha covered on the Britney picture. Yeah, it was freaking me out too. Just call me a full-service blog!

  3. LOL – thanks, T…you’ve got girls too, don’t ya? Yeah. I just would never want my daughter’s pain witnessed by the whole freakin’ world….again, thanks. I definitely like the new pic better 🙂

  4. misfitmistress

    thats the one thing we can say for sure about our situations is we learned a lot! i had to laugh at the one thing you said about two types of affairs… emotional and sexual. i think in both our cases they went hand-in-hand. mine definitely started out sexual though- but those damn emotions got in the way. i think that is often why i stuck around too… i knew R had affairs before me but they were just sexual and short… mine turned into a full blown relationship and lasted as long as it did.

    i know you were generalizing, but i have to defend my therapist here. she is not the nodding type- shes the talking type. the blunt talking type. asks me things like “why did you do that?!” and she has used the “f” word multiple times in front of me. we talk about her just as much as we do about me. i love her so much i recommended her to others and they have enjoyed her, too. (oh, and she does all her own clerical work)… i give her a lot of credit for accelerating my progress. i also have to credit you and T, too. i dont mean that i rely on you guys… its just that our communications have just been very helpful.

    great blog, bob… lol. i can see the makeover happening before my eyes.

  5. Pearl (who else?)

    I like your older posts better 🙂 sexier. that forbidden fruit-guilty pleasure juiciness. Much more fulfilling ehm titillating to the mind. Am honing in the skills to write adult blog stuff by the way.You could give me pointers. Very skillful ans sensuous. But not tacky. – P (was here and left her marks.)

  6. tvexplorer

    Thank you, I guess. I do get a little “juicy” when writing about this stuff. But understand I do not write these things for the purpose of providing adult entertainment. The older posts are better, because my former other woman still mattered. Now, as far as I’m concerned, she can kiss my ass.

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