Fifty times a night, the floor in my bedroom speeds toward my face, back and forth. I know every contour of that old yellowed wood. Every squeak it makes when I push, push, push! I spend hours down there, crunching, curling and squatting this forty-something body of mine. It’s one of the few places I still feel young and alive. “Protected” somehow from the effects of time.
I will lose this battle eventually, I know.
I can’t help but chuckle when I look in the mirror. How did this happen? When did this happen? When did the grey become so pronounced? Leave my eyebrows alone, goddamnit! I am 46 going on…dead. And all the pushups in the world won’t save me.
But I try.
You see, in my profession I am surrounded by “pretty people.”
It’s common in a newsroom to hear people bragging about their early morning workouts. I know. I’ve heard it for twenty years. Our smokin’ hot morning anchorwoman is an exercise freak, from Pilates to yoga to horseback riding. (Horseback riding?) Another on-air chickadee –you’re gonna love this—has taken up pole dancing to keep the pounds away. And yet another young lady –our blondie reporter—is an avid runner. Did I mention she went skydiving last weekend?
Hell, my former OW was a model-type. Her calorie-burn was dancing and ice skating. Of course, that was before she left “the business” and tacked on twenty-plus pounds. Bless her heart.
The point is, I’m getting too old for this pretty shit. I’m tired of working out. I’m tired of drinking water instead of root beer. I’m tired of saying no to bagels with cream cheese and Dunkin’ Donuts. Right now, I would drink the grease from a chili cheese fry plate through a McDonald’s straw. I would suck it dry!
Just not today.
Down on the floor I go for my push-ups. If I’m real good, I may treat myself to a Muscle Punch Plus at Smoothie King. (Complete with Chromium Picolinate, Garcinia Cambogia, L-Carnitine.)
Yum.
tv explorer 
im a twenty-something and i cant keep up with the exercise fad!! id love to get fit and all that but i dont have the motivation to do it so that i can be one of the pretty ones.
i love junk food way too much. i love ribs and pizza and pasta and icre-cream more than one should be allowed to!! but anyway u may be too old for pretty, but ur probably just right for distinguished or handsome. which i prefer over pretty any day – my baby nephew is pretty, my hunny should be a man looking like a man!!!
I’m with ya. Though I’m always suspicious when people tell me my graying hair looks “distinguished.” Gettin’ old’s a blast, I’ll tell ya!
Lol, some people do use distinguished in a mean way. But it does fit some guys as their youth works against them.
Guys whose “youth works against them”? STOP!!! I’m sensitive in my old age, ya know. 🙂
Okay, so after writing my last post…I come here and read this…too ironic! I haven’t been in a business where I’m surrounded by pretty people, and I haven’t felt the motivation or drive to keep it up. Funny that my mid-life and your mid-life are bringing polar opposite desires 🙂
lolol … youthful looks can hurt some people … they never get taken seriously because of it. people think they arent mature enough and things like that 🙂