The New You. (After The Affair.)

Picture yourself 5 years from now, when all this “waxing poetic” over your affair has finally, FINALLY ended.   And it will end.  I promise you that.  You’ll reach a point where the details of your affair no longer matter.    In fact, you’ll conclude what everyone else concludes.  That your affair was NOT the romance of the century.   If it was, you wouldn’t still be married to your spouse, and your ex-lover wouldn’t still be married to theirs.   You’ll realize your affair was merely a case of, “You liked her,  she liked you, you fucked.”   Sorry, lovers, to put it in those terms, but it’s true.  You’ll see when a few years pass.  You will also see that your “grace period” for being a miserable, heart-broken sap has expired.  The people around you, the people who count, will expect you to have become that person you promised.   So the question becomes, who is that person?  Who will you be when the shit-storm passes?

Me?  I’m at 3 years now.  Three years since D-Day when the shit-storm blew over my house.  I’m happy to report that the storm has passed.  My family is in tact.  My wife and kids still love me.   Most remarkable is the fact that I now go for days at a time without thinking about “it.”   Sure, I still field a few comments on this blog, and communicate via e-mail with a couple of subscribers.  But it’s only to share some of the lessons I’ve learned.   The truth is, my desire to be part of this post-affair world has waned, as it will with you in the future.   The only thing I haven’t been able to do is decide which person I will become…for the rest of my life.

Will I take up golf?   Stamp collecting?  How ’bout volunteer work at the local boys shelter?  God knows, there are plenty of folks in need, and I’ve done little in my lifetime to “give back.”

Who can  I be that will make me happy, that will give my life purpose after everything that’s happened?   Who do I know that’s survived an affair and can point me in the right direction?   My wife seems to think the answer is Jesus.   (Of course, she has thought that for the past twenty years.)   I recently learned that my ex-lover is now a cross-bearing warrior for God.   No shit!   She posts bible verses on her Facebook page, and writes profound things like, “My husband is awesome!”   Really, sister?   Really, really, really?   Well, praaaaaiiiiise Jesus!!!   Halle-fucking-lujah!!!   Is this the sum of your life experience?   Is religion the logical next step, seeing as how you’re surrounded by religious fruitcakes?   Will your husband love you more?  Will his family now accept you?   Goddamn, girl!   What a brilliant idea!

But then, we must all become something after an affair.    May as well be a persona that wipes away sin.

As for me, I’m thinking about doing something radical, like people my age (upper 40s) tend to do.  No, it won’t be skydiving.  I’m too chickenshit for that.   But I would be willing to try mountain-climbing or scuba-diving.   Yeah!   Something outdoorsy.  Something that takes me far from the dimly-lit mind of my former self.

The Oldest Affair-Question In The World.

A friend of mine (who has left comments here before) sent me a link to a blog post that I believe is required reading.   Required for anyone who’s had an affair, and asks, “When the hell will I get over this?”   I’ll provide the link to the blog post in a moment, but please, allow me to interject my own thoughts.

First, the article –as you will read– starts off with slight apology from the author.  It’s clear he has written plenty on the subject of affairs before, and doesn’t want people to think he “can’t let it go.”  I know how he feels.  It’s the main reason I’ve stopped writing on my blog.   Affair blogs have a time-limit, and I’m waaaaay past mine.  Plus, writing about it no longer helps me.  It takes me back to the place I’m trying to forget.

Next, I believe that the writer succeeds in capturing how we broken-hearts feel in the aftermath of an affair.  My old blog-friend Nituru, who doesn’t blog (at least publicly) about his ex-lover’s affair anymore, once wrote a post about the difficulty of conveying the “sheer complexities” of this subject in words.   I soon learned that Nituru was right.  No matter how prolific a writer one may be, words just don’t do it justice.   However, this guy,  the blogger whose link I’ll provide, has succeeded where everyone else –including me– has failed.

Finally, I hope he’s wrong.   God, I hope he’s wrong about how long these feelings continue.  While I’m doing much better these days (it’ll be three years in October),  I’m also aware that my life has been permanently impacted by my affair.  My pain has subsided, but that  “nagging” feeling is still there.   Short of having a lobotomy, I don’t see myself ever forgetting this.

So I ask myself, how long does it take to get over an affair?

You tell me.

Blog Search Terms from Hell.

You’d think by now I’d be used to the search terms that steer people to this blog o’ mine.   Hell, I write the stuff.  It’s natural that certain key words would bring up my blog.  Still, I’m amazed by the number of people who are searching for answers to the same things I have written about.

Or not.

Let’s get it on, shall we?

• tv explorer – You know you’ve arrived in the blogging world when people start searching for you by name.   Talk about fanning the narcissism flames!
• Kiss my wife’s feet while she fucks a man – To be honest, I’ve never actually thought about this.  But now that you mention it, yeah, good idea.  Sign me up for some of that action.
• Bipolar and adultery – It’s the search term that generates the second-most amount of traffic on this blog.  It proves to me there must be a correlation between bipolar and adultery.  Otherwise, why would so many people search this combination of words?   (The “explorer” isn’t so crazy after all.)
• Girlfriend left me because of manic bipolar – This just in.  Another “normie” falls victim to chemically-induced hypersexuality.
• Affair how long does it hurt – Answer:  As long as you let it.  As Tyler Durden said in the movie Fight Club, “This is your life, and it’s ending one minute at a time.”   So get over it.
• No love for wife indifferent – That’s a problem, soldier.  I suggest you keep your dick in your pants until you figure it out.
• Lamborghini pictures – Great.  I once compared my ex-lover to a Lamborghini.  Now, I’m Lamborghini-central.  No fears.  I’m about to revise my car description to a pick-up truck.  Wide-load.
• Husbands who have wives that are bipolar – Imagine the husband whose wife has recently been “diagnosed” who stumbles onto this blog to see what their  future holds.   Poor fuck.
• I begged my cheater husband to take his mistress – No you didn’t, because you knew your husband might accept your offer, depending on his state-of-mind.  Unless you wanted the bastard gone, you did not beg him to take her.
• Am I a hot wife? – I don’t know, are you?  Let’s see some pictures.
• Fun ways to mess with people’s minds on Facebook – Here’s a suggestion:  Set your account to private.  That’ll mess with their minds.  It’s the equivalent of saying, “Fuck you!  I don’t even want you looking at me!”
• Husband can’t get over affair – Yes he can.  Just give him time.
• My wife had a lesbian experience – Oh, and I suppose there were strap-ons involved.  In your dreams, pal.
• Why do dreams mess with your head – Because you can’t get that image of your wife with another woman out of your head.
• What if I still have feelings for my lover – Then you should start a blog.  An anonymous blog.  And you can write about it till there’s nothing left to write!  Then you’ll realize nothing you’ve written will change a damn thing.  But at least you will have expressed yourself, which is more than some people are capable of doing.
• My smokin’ hot wife – Hands down, the number one search term on tvexplorer.wordpress.com.   In fact, if you do a Google search for “My Smokin’ Hot Wife,” my blog is the top result.    Guys love them some Ricky Bobby’s wife!