It’s a safe bet that every married person who has cheated on their spouse, gotten caught and is now living a life of shame has asked themselves, “What would I say to my former lover if I happened to bump into her (or him) on the street?”
It’s a silly thought, I know. It serves no purpose. And unless you both travel in the same circles (which is unlikely), it will probably never happen. My former “other woman” lives more than an hour from me, and if she were to drive to my city, she’d most likely be chaperoned by her now-protective husband.
Still, I’d be lying if I said I haven’t considered what I would say if our paths happened to cross.
The scenario:
It’s the middle of my workday and I stop at the downtown Starbucks store for my usual cup of house brew. I look good, of course. I am well-dressed, and the expression on my face speaks of a man who has moved on with his life. As a well-known figure in my community, I am greeted loudly by the manager, which causes heads in the store to turn. Including hers. She begins to retreat, but after realizing she has to pass by me to exit, she stops to say hello, and asks, “How have you been doing?”
Well, let’s fucking see. How have I been doing?
Response #1:
“Fine. And you?” (We continue our polite-talk for another fifteen seconds, then say goodbye without going into any personal details.)
Response #2:
“How the FUCK do you think I’m doing? Oh wait, I forgot. You’re oblivious to how anyone feels but you. So I’ll clue you in. After you ran your goddamned mouth, my wife nearly divorced me, and my children came close to disowning me. I’m a pariah in my own home. No one trusts what I say or do. And on top of everything, my heart is broken. And how are you doing?”
Response #3:
“Are you asking how I’m doing in the general sense, or how I’m holding up after everything that’s happened? If you’re asking the latter, I’m happy to share because God knows these past few months have been quite an ordeal for me. Plus, I’m very curious how you’re doing. I’ve read some of your blog posts and not once have you mentioned me. You seem to be at peace with everything. What’s your secret? I’d love to know because this thing really has me by the balls.”
Response #4:
“Me? Fuhgetabout me! More importantly, as always, how are yoooo doin’? How’s the bipolar treatment coming along? Are you manic? Depressed? Or do the mood stabilizers still have you at dead-even? From what I’ve read in your blog, your husband is a gosh-darned saint! He’s a real keeper, that man is. Oh, and congrats on giving your life to Jesus. You are the chosen one, girl! It’s all about you!”
Response #5
(No words are exchanged. The look on my face says it all.)
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