Only five more days remain in 2008 before we head in to a brand new year. That’s a good thing for me, considering how crazy this year has been. Even more crazy than 2007, when my affair with another woman began. But I ‘made my own bed,’ as the saying goes. Instead of distancing myself from her, I tried desperately to hold on.
It made 2008 one hell of a bad year.
Timeline of events:
June 2007 – I began a sexual relationship with a coworker. We had had previous physical contact, but never slept together. This changed in June, and continued for the better part of the summer.
September 2007 – My other woman had a mental breakdown at work. She was fired from her job, and was hospitalized for ‘unknown reasons.’
October 2007 – A date which will live in infamy. On October 4th when I arrived home from work, I was confronted by my wife. She had learned of the affair. My other woman had confessed to her husband who, in turn, notified my wife. Life changed for the worse.
October 2007 through May 2008 – This is the hardest time-period to describe. In short, my communication with OW continued. Secretly, of course, but it continued. Throughout this period, OW insisted she had told her husband about the affair while in the hospital “under heavy medication.” “I thought I was going to die,” she insisted. “If I did die, I wanted my husband to know the truth.”
I believed her. I had no reason to think she would lie, nor did I think she would disclose further information to her husband in the future. Besides, the sexual part of our affair had ended. We were just friends who emailed back and forth occasionally. And it was during this secret communication I shared with her the hardships I was experiencing at home. I explained the delicate nature of my ‘situation,’ and even coached her on what to say if my wife ever called again. She assured me our secret was safe.
For the record, during this period, I counseled her on her career, her marriage and her future. In many ways, I acted as her mentor. I truly had her interest at heart. In no way did I cross the line or attempt to rekindle a sexual relationship. Simply, I enjoyed having her as my friend. And I thought the feeling was mutual.
June 2008 – My wife continued on her ‘investigation.’ She suspected I will still in contact with OW, which was true. So she called OW’s husband to inquire. He, in turn, handed his phone to his wife who proceeded to tell my wife the truth. I found myself in bigger trouble than the day my affair was first exposed. For now, I was “repeat offender.” I was ordered from my house. Forced to stay in a hotel. On top of that, my former other woman attempted to befriend my wife. She called my wife frequently to explain how I was the one responsible for our continued contact. Two weeks later, I joined my wife and children on our scheduled family vacation which was to be my last.
July 2008 – After enduring the “summer from hell,” and begging my wife to give me one more chance, two things came to my attention. First, I learned that OW had been hospitalized again, and diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Second, through sheer accident, I stumbled onto her new blog.
At first, I couldn’t believe what I was reading. This person I thought I knew so well was professing her newfound faith in Jesus! She was quoting scripture, inviting comments from other Born Agains, and even giving Christian counsel to others, as though she was a qualified purveyor of the Gospel. And there were references in her blog to the horrible “choices” she had made. She, of course, was referring to me.
I was furious, but kept my silence.
For awhile.
August 2008 – By this month, I had made a great deal of progress at home. My relationship with my wife was still strained, but things were starting to calm down. Yet I continued to be appalled by what I was reading on OW’s blog. She wrote crazy, nonsensical things. Additionally, I felt hurt that she didn’t appear to be experiencing any sense of loss for me. It was as though a switch had been flipped in her mind and she became a different person. She was no longer the person I had known and once adored.
Childishly, I began to leave snippy, anonymous comments on her blog. I knew she would know it was me. And she did.
I also could also tell she’d been reading my blog, and this provided ample opportunity to communicate my feelings. Day after day, I pined away at the loss I felt and the hurt she had caused. Oh, how I expressed my hurt.
Silence.
No matter what I wrote, no matter how I phrased it, there was never any contact from her. No words of consolation. She was merely a spectator watching me suffer from her lofty perch, unphased by my misery.
Finally, I left a comment on her blog (knowing she would read it but not publish it) demanding that she acknowledge me. Insisting that I deserved better after all we had been though.
She replied with an invitation to call her. Secretly, of course.
September 2008 – Reopening a line of contact with her was a terrible mistake on my part. While I enjoyed hearing her voice and ‘catching up,’ it only fueled my desire to return to the past. But our phone calls were few. She made it clear that she “didn’t want to lie to her husband anymore.” Whatever relationship we had had in the past was over, she insisted. She was with her husband now.
I should have accepted her statement warning, but didn’t.
October 2008 – My wife decides to call OW’s husband one more time to make sure I have kept my word about avoiding further contact. As usual, OW explains that I was the initiator of our most recent contact which, in this case, was the truth. This time, OW’s husband calls me and explains that “enough is enough.” He follows it up with an email that threatens me legally if I initiate further contact.
The email is dated October 9th. Needless to say, I have kept my distance.
So that’s what led me here to this empty and uncertain place. I can only imagine what readers must think. I couldn’t take a hint. Couldn’t face that it was over. You’d be right to say that, for in the end, I became my own worst enemy and created my own troubles. I’m sorry if I thought the friendship we’d enjoyed could continue even after our spouses knew. I’m sorry that my heart got the best of me.
But no more.
2009 is my year, you see. And it’s going to be the best year in a long time for my family. Husband and dad will back in full. A little worse for the wear, but back. I have everything a man could ever want. An exciting career and a wife and children who still love me.
If anything, I feel sorry for OW. Childless. Bipolar. Relegated to a job that’s beneath her talents. And because of her new status at home as a bipolar sufferer, she will succumb to a parent-child relationship with her husband. She will forever be his “medicated wife” who is “prone to erratic and unpredictable behavior.” And with him, this woman of tremendous passion will live a life of limited sexual pleasure. The type of lackluster lovemaking her naive, son-of-a-Baptist-preacher husband offers.
It’s odd for me to think that 2009 will be the first full year since I’ve known her there will be no communication whatsoever. The first of many years to come. For the rest of my life. And hers.
For that, I can’t help but feel sad.
tv explorer 