What Would I Ask?

While I’m on this roll, it occurs to me there are also a number of questions I’d love to ask my former other woman.   Yes, this too is silly.  “Ain’t never gonna happen,” as we say in the south.  But say it did.  Say I got the chance.  What would my list of questions be?  

Well, for starters…

1. Do you ever think about me?   This sounds like a simple question, one with a yes or no answer.  But I’ve read your blogs since the split, and you ruminate over everything in your life except me.  Best I can tell, you haven’t searched for me on the web.   You haven’t even visited my dot-com blog that employs my real name.  Aren’t you the least bit curious how I’m doing?  Or have you purged me from your thoughts completely?  Just curious.
2. Am I the ‘bad guy’ now?  You know what I mean by this.  Toward the end when I didn’t couldn’t stop contacting you, I behaved badly.  I admit that.  So where does my reputation with you stand now?  Am I the ‘crazed ex-lover’ from whom you must hide?  (Don’t worry.  You shut me down completely in October with your husband’s help.)
3. Is it true what my wife says?  She claims you wanted out of our relationship long before I did, but didn’t have the guts to tell me.  She’s insists that’s the reason you told your husband about our affair in the first place, in hopes that he would ‘rescue’ you from me.  She says this argument is further strengthened by the fact that you continued to sell me out. Laughingly, she says I’m the only person who didn’t understand this, who refused to believe it.   So tell me, is it true?
4. Do you ever miss us?  This is not a repeat of question #1.  Simply, I am asking if there’s ever a moment when you reflect fondly on the good times we had.  Our rendezvous in the park, our discussions of movies, drinking coffee at your kitchen table, making passionate love.   Do you ever wish you could go back?
5. What’s happened to you?   We were so much alike.  The opposite sex versions of each other.  You were cool and creative.  A ‘unique butterfly,’ as they say in Fight Club.  Now you behave as a ‘patient’ whose life has no meaning.  Are you content with what you’ve become?

Just curious.